How to feel comfortable on your own

I have often wondered about how people feel about being on their own. Taking time to just be with yourself and enjoy your own company. For a long time I always imagined it to be quite uncomfortable, my own negative brain screaming at me shouting ‘look at that loner on her own, obviously has no friends’. I have often sat and admired people that are just happy to sit and read a paper and have a coffee within their own company and wondering if they have this annoying scenario pop up and shout at them too.

So how do we start to feel comfortable on our own?

Taking the first step

I remember quite vividly living on my own in Leicester and a friend of mine just mentioned that maybe I should take myself for coffee in my favourite shop to overcome the fear of being on my own. I took him up on it, grabbed my book and headed out. Scared!

I found a quiet corner ordered a mega mocha and sat and read. After 5 minutes the noise in my head began to quieten and I got lost in my book in a caffeine-fuelled daze.

These days it’s very different. In between work commitments and family, alone time seems like such a privilege, if not a reward, for juggling everything in the week and surviving. I spend most of my mornings in anxiety mode getting my children ready, aiming to be on time for school. Inevitably I’m always late and instead of adding that to my bucket of negative crap I embraced it. In actual fact, we now have a joke about it with all the other late mums. We now aim to beat each other.

Overcoming the fear

Our fear stops us from making a proper assessment of the situation. It bombards us with lies and will continue to do so unless we take control and work with it.

Enjoy that quiet time, fill it with things that you love. Learn to have the courage and confidence to step outside of the wall you have built inside your head, one step at a time.

We all want to achieve things now! We have everything we need at the touch of a button but we have forgotten to give back and enjoy time with ourselves without technology. Those hobbies, crafts, exercises you enjoy doing are all the things that make you feel good and the things that enable you to process positive information and move forward. Take a moment to find that one goal that will help you to step outside of that comfort zone and spend some time with yourself.

This is not only incorporating self care but also reconnecting with the sense of self and the ability to slow things down and listen. Gaining control and a more positive perspective.


What next?

If you struggle with anxiety, are fearful of stepping outside those comfort zones and need a confidence boost to move you forward in life. Get in touch. I can see people face to face at my therapy room in Bourne, Lincolnshire, or we can talk over zoom.

Further information and videos on various subjects can be found on my facebook page Hummingbird Hypnotherapy.

You can also download a copy of my free guided relaxation here – another great way to spend some me-time.