There is an element to life that quietly chants that everyone else has their s**t together whilst you feel like your failing or slowly falling apart.
I have had so many of these moments in that space of self comparison that doubt crept in via a perfect Instagram post or a conversation of ideas that made me question that I do no do enough.
Hey, I hope your well and of the realization that January is actually solely coming to an end.
The longest month of the year but also a time to not push and do. A chance to relax, take time, hibernate and rest. A spacious time to just be for a while. Sounds great unless your brain is running on 300 tabs open and a driven sense of cortisol.
I had this exact issue trying to wind down over the Christmas period and then when I did hit a nice, relaxed state of being, I had to speed back up for the doing again.
As a children’s therapist over the years I have had so many varied conversations with children and teens who genuinely think they are broken. That their brain has stopped working properly or there is something seriously wrong with them.
Add to that the increase in neurodiversity, mental health conditions, school avoidance and we end up with a daily potion of behaviour that as parents we are trying to manage.
Change is inevitable. It happens.
Sometimes small things just happen and we accept them and move on. At times the larger things arrive and we feel unable to process and move through in a way we feel in control.
Now just imagine that as your stress levels increase and your lack of control and certainty is taken away from you. The people who help you to regulate and gain control back aren’t there. You look around to find a familiar face but the people who are looking back at you are people who have no idea how you are feeling and now it is getting too much.
If you have ever struggled with an anxiety disorder you will know how much at times it can be so debilitating. Not only with change and new things but also with the day to day things that life brings.
I remember a few years ago I was asked to teach in Birmingham for the weekend. Knowing I was capable of delivering the course wasn’t the issue. The choice to stay over was. I hadn’t been away from home over night on my own for a long time and my anxiety knew it.
The temperature has finally dropped, the nights are drawing in and there is a fresh nip in the air in the mornings. Wardrobe choices changing and the big boots have replaced the flip flops…
Heading on into autumn with the same gusto as a pumpkin spiced latte all wrapped up in your favourite hoody. Whilst most people are planning their pumpkin patch visits and how to make costumes for the Halloween disco or turn the doorbell off in time to ignore the trick or treaters ( lol) there are some who have begun to notice the change in weather and start to get anxious about how this will effect their mood heading into winter.
I have often wondered about how people feel about being on their own. Taking time to just be with yourself and enjoy your own company. For a long time I always imagined it to be quite uncomfortable, my own negative brain screaming at me shouting ‘look at that loner on her own, obviously has no friends’. I have often sat and admired people that are just happy to sit and read a paper and have a coffee within their own company and wondering if they have this annoying scenario pop up and shout at them too.
So how do we start to feel comfortable on our own?
When we are in control we have a confidence within ourselves to be able to understand that everything is ok. We are great at making decisions and being able to be our best. More importantly, we can manage our lives knowing that we’re able to do those things expected from us.
I spend a lot of my time supporting children and adults with their mental health in my practice in Bourne, Lincolnshire and online via zoom, but one thing that occurred to me this week is what about the people around you that support your mental health?
Grief. A place of loss and sadness.
It has so many different emotions attached to it. Grief can be physical, behavioural, social, spiritual, it comes with so many different dimensions.